New Year And A New Life
63All I wanted for Christmas was a happy day with the man that I faithfully loved
Instead I find myself abandoned and betrayed by the one man that I trusted.
Waking up on December second to be told that all my reality was amiss
Sadness filled my heart and my brain began scanning, what did I miss?
Two days before I had inquired, do you still love me, are you in love with me still
The answer had been seemingly sincere, "Yes baby", those words made me heart reel
The worry that had filled me for weeks had been halted by his simple response "Yes baby, yes"
Smiles carried me through the next two lonely silent and unresponsive days.
Friday morning, still not a word from my love and both the fear and worry reappears
The phone call of "I have found another" stabbed my heart and nothing could stop the tears.
The questions of why did you string me along and how could you do this to me rang hollow
No words were attempted to soothe me, nothing makes this bitter pill easier to swallow.
January comes with a magic eve filled with promises and resolutions of hope and desire
Parties that masquerade broken hearts and mask the pain that consumes me like a fire
Panic wells inside like the high tide of sadness eroding my heart with each acidic swell.
Stolen is the trust I gave so freely, while my confidence dropped solidly into a dark dank well.
Glimmers of hope touch each day and I chase it until exhaustion sets in and I finally sleep
A month of hurt and it seems to be lingering on with no sign of healing, I continue to weep
I created my mantra of "I am moving on", "I am moving on", yet it sounds hallow to my ears
Tomorrow will be easier or so they all say so I attempt to move past all my pain and fears.
New year comes and the sadness holds my heart Happy birthday world happy birthday today
Where is the joy the excitement and the happiness that was present last New Year's Day?
I should have been so much quicker to heal, but this time the pain is so deep so real
Another day, another year, another painful awakening remind me of the heartache I feel.
Creative mind come show me something to pull me away from this self examination
Help me move past this wallowing and find an outlet for release using self motivation
Come February with your Groundhog and your valentines parties, roses and cards
January, I will use you to lick my wounds and glue my heart together shard by shard.
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Thank you for such a wonderful comment. I will keep reading it as I go through this.
Beautiful but poignant, Vicki ... I only wish I had the words to help you but I cannot improve on Katrine's.
The one thing I do know is that 'this too will pass' and a stronger, less vulnerable woman will emerge. Hopefully, she will realise that he who left was not worthy of her and she will use her talent and energy to enjoy her life until she finds one who is ...
Thank you Angie, Just knowing that it will pass is helpful. Believe me there are days when I do not believe it will pass. Knowing that each event in life is a lesson is a point I must keep telling myself. Knowing that I will emerge on the other side a changed person is huge.
I know you will find this hard to believe but bear with me (I can be wise old bat at times as I have lived several lives in this one) - it is possible to get something positive out of even the worst of experiences.
You won't be able to do this right now, of course. Right now it is a case of three steps forward and two back and it will be like that for a while. Then one day you will wake up and feel a leetle bit better ... you might even have an epiphany and start to recover rapidly. And, eventually, you will realise what the lesson was, you will see the reason why he was sent to you. Perhaps it was to make you into a stronger, more independent person? Who knows?
Just remember, for the time being ... baby steps ... and be kind to yourself.
Vicki, no person deserves your tears. And the one who deserves them won't make you cry.
I resisted putting this poem up because it was too bare. It showed too much of myself. Katrine and Angie, you have made me happy that I shared it. You have helped me so much in this one day. Thank you both for your wisdom and your insight. :) Thank you!
I'm sorry for the pain you've felt here. You are very emotionally courageous to share this experience with readers. So often, we feel alone; your poem speaks to many of us who have been hurt similarly but perhaps haven't allowed ourselves to put the pain into words.
I hope each day ahead shows you the pathway to your new life and gives you some piece of strength to face the next day. Thanks for posting this; I'm sending you hugs. I know personally that each day is a struggle, and sometimes youre hit with a new wave of pain you didn't even expect. Eventually, as lame as it sounds, it does get better, or at least a bit less painful. Voted up, beautiful and awesome.
Thank you for saying such awesome comments. I appreciate your giving me the hope that the pain will lessen. That is my hope and staying busy and writing does help. Sorry that you felt this way in your past. Being deceived is a horrible thing to experience, but I can only listen to people like you that have survived it and hopefully thrived.
Vicki, great to see you smiling! Go girl! All the best :-)
Thank you Katrine! I am so happy to be getting past my past and making a real future for myself. It is not easy, but it is what I need to do and I will do.
Oh how touching, I feel your raw emotions here in this hub. I know it is hard to see in the darkness that the past makes us stronger but that is something that I use myself to give me strength. I hope your year is going well!
Christy, I am getting better and stronger ever day. I am finding some joy and moving past the hurt. I am finding I do have more inner strength than I ever imagined. Thank you for taking the time to comment and thank you for reading this hub.
KatrineDalMonte Level 6 Commenter 3 months ago
Life is not about mistakes we make but about lessons we learn.
Please don't fear the darkness, keep shining your beautiful light, you never know how many hearts you quietly touch.
And, don't confuse your path with your destination.
Just because it's stormy now doesn't mean you aren't headed for sunshine :-)
Each new day is a chance to make a new beginning.