Christmas with Adult Children

Life is all about change. From the moment we are born we begin to adapt to the changes that confront us in life. For me one of the hardest and most disconcerting change came when I faced my first Christmas with adult children.

They no longer lived in the house and were out making their own way, which included making their own Christmas traditions. Suddenly I felt as if I were no longer necessary to their celebrations. I sat in self pity for a short while then I came to the conclusion that I would simply adapt my way of looking at Christmas and find a way to share it with the households which contained the children I had devoted so many years to making Christmas a family event. I had adapted to the death of my mother and grandparents with the same action. I had invented new traditions to take us through the most difficult change I had ever faced. I was determined to do it again.

I spoke with each child and found what their plans were for the holiday and what part they would like me to play in their day. When all of the plans were finalized, I went from feeling alone and cut off, to being able to enjoy my role as grandmother to these amazing children that my own children are now raising.

The family Christmas party allowed all the gifts from me to be distributed before Christmas day and allowed the parents to see what was still lacking from the lists that had been written to Santa weeks before.

Joining each child in their Christmas shopping allowed me a peek at the list and gave me the chance to make sure some of the items that they truly wanted made it under the tree.

The individual shopping with each child also gave us the mother child time that we seldom get any more. It was an enjoyable way to prepare for the holidays one by one.

The outings also allowed for more bonding with each of the adult children. As always, changes occur and it is up to us to find a way to adapt. This one change led to other changes that have brought us all closer.

Christmas morning became more of a quiet reflective time for me as I am now able to enjoy my coffee and prepare for the visits that will be coming later in the day.

Each home will be awake at the same time with children unwrapping their gifts and enjoying all the treats and presents that Santa left for them. A commotion that I remember so well from when my own children were small. The early morning wake up call from my middle child. She was always the first one to see what Santa had brought and one by one work up her sister and brother. Leaving her parents asleep just a tad bit longer while they surveyed each unwrapped gift.

This now was going on at three individual homes and after this would be the preparing of the meal. I would be bringing my specialties for them all to enjoy while my son prepared the dressing and the turkey. He wanted to have Christmas dinner at his house this year, as he is the newly separated father of five living in a new state with his children. So to keep them from being uprooted and shuttled about we will all be meeting up there after noon. As you may have noticed, this has been a year of change for so many of our family and the process of adapting to these changes are being taken one step at a time.

My youngest daughter has just left for a trip to Michigan to have Christmas with her husband's family. This was a hard decision for her to make and as many families have moved across the country there is often the well known annual decision as to how to split up the holidays between families. It makes for a very emotional decision making process, but once the decision is made, she will make sure her children have a wonderful time with the out of town grandparents and cousins. This was another change that we all will face together and will learn the best way to adapt for this. This year my eldest daughter hosted the family Christmas party which came a week before Christmas in order for everyone to get together and celebrate before her sister made this Christmas Eve trip.

I write this the day before Christmas, but with a sense of happiness knowing that I have found my new role in the Christmas traditions for the family and if change is needed, we will all work together to find a new path to a very traditional Christmas day. By looking for the positive ways we can change the most simple traditions we create new and sometimes even better traditions and this grandmother doesn't feel cut out of the fun.

One year later, I realize that the same loneliness will encroach unless I make a solid plan to avert that feeling.

This year we will celebrate our first Christmas Eve feast at my new home. When the party ends and the grandchildren leave, I anticipate exhaustion that will attempt to cover the loneliness that sometimes fills December twenty-fifth. Each year we as a family can build on these new traditions and make them part of the family traditions that carry on even after I am gone.

Half the fun is gathering with my children and planning out the new traditions. Being flexible is a necessity with eleven grandchildren and three adult children, all with their own parties, concerts, and productions to attend.

Next year, who can tell what new fresh idea will hatch this time of year.